Illuminated shadows: Food for thought and a penny in my pocket.

'A penny in my pocket, a dollar in my shoe, and when I give it all to Jesus, there's nothing I can't do.' 

-Jana Alayra

      When I was born, my skin was yellow with a deficiency that I couldn't put my finger on. No one else really knew why. I thought maybe it had to do with the fact that I had two older brothers and an older sister. I am talking about those little ideas that pop in your head when you DO something. Whether it's a belief or simply the food you eat, everything impacts you to a certain degree. There's the age old question... Why do you do what you do? Cows say 'moo', I say 'hey you'. My point is everyone speaks the same language in their own special way. We're only humans and animals. God is the whole sum of our parts. I love to use the car analogy. When I first started driving, I was in a toy car in my backyard saying 'choo choo, out of my way, I got this, guys'. As an adult, I will do the same thing in a different way.

      My first car was a 1999 Dodge Caravan. My life was in that van. Literally. I would travel the entire world in that van if I could. But at some point, it had to break down. It was my special something for 3 years. Wow. I know it's only a car, but it was my car (even if my parents paid for it, they said YOU take care of it). I had my blanket, my cooler of food, and my music. Yup, that just about sums up my life. God is that CAR. Ha. Yeah.... I attach to tangible objects too. I'm a sinner. I came back from Colorado knowing that reality hit me hard and I had to change into a flower rather than a thorn in my hip. With no car, no computer, and a cracked iphone, I flew to Colorado. I came back with an open wound that God would heal and continues to heal daily.

     I'd love to be a wallflower, but I want to fly down on a jet. A jet that leads me home, but lets me sore into the wild with my gluten sensitive stomach and all. I thank Jesus every day that I am alive because I have had countless doctor's appointments with doctors who don't know why I have gluten sensitivity. And no, I don't have celiac disease, I have been tested for that and have a low blood count sometimes so I choose not to drink alcoholic beverages like you might. I have nothing against those who drink. I really wish it could be normal for me to drink. But reality check: I tried alcohol before a little before I turned 21. Then I had one or two once I turned 21 and I tired of it quickly. I have never been drunk nor do I want to be. Real talk: I don't have time to see every doctor in the USA and with God as my witness, I can get through the battle I face everyday. It's expensive to live in a world where hotdogs and corndogs exists because I love food especially corndogs (cuz they punny and yummy).

Boo my nervous system and Yay for God who understands my woes,

Rachel

P.S. I do have a car, and it feels so good to know that it's get me places Coldplay constantly reminds me, "and it was allll yellow".